Communication Skills

Listening communication skill may sound simple enough, were it not for the fact that so few do it. We are already thinking of how we are going to respond, or what we want to add to the subject, as such, we may be listening but we’re not really hearing. To properly hear, not only do you have to be acutely aware of what is being said, but also how it is being said. Is the speaker saying yes, while shaking their head no? Did you know that is something common only to adults because when children shake their heads ‘no’ they mean ‘no’. It is only us adults whose words can say one thing, while our body language is saying exactly the opposite. Anyway, we diverge, as that is a whole other area for conversation.

You probably already know what we’re going to say now, which is effective listening is not only paying attention to the words that someone is saying, but also paying attention to the subtle singles of expression, tone and body language accompanying the words. In fact, developing listening skills is not all that difficult because people want to be known, understood, they want to be listened to and heard. The problem is that most of us don't bother to see what is in front of our faces, to listen to what people say, to ask them the right questions or otherwise help them bring out what they would like us to know.

The human habit is the desire to express our own thoughts, feeling, and ideas, which is why we so often interrupt each other. Alternatively, that’s why we can hardly wait until the speaking party comes to a pause, so we can have our say. As a technique, many counselors use active listening with their clients. That entails repeating back to the client what they just said using words along the line of: “If I understand correctly what you just said is,” then they either say back to the client exactly what they said or they do a bit of paraphrasing. The result is that not only does the client feel assured that they are being listened to, but hearing what they said repeated, will, many times, allow them to clarify what it is they’re truly trying to communicate.

Of course, this technique can be taken to ridiculous heights of monotonously repeating back to the client, and that is not what we’re suggesting as listening communication skill. What we are suggesting is that, sparingly, to repeat back, and to ask the question if you have correctly understood what the person is communicating, is a very effective listening communication skill.